By Sifu Rob Atalick - the Red Sash Renegade

If and when you reach a level of success in your business, practice, career and you are ready to go further, you often feel like you’ve hit a ceiling, or a plateau.

It often happens that getting off of that plateau has a lot to do with whom you associate.

You may have heard it before, famously said by Jim Rohn, that “you are average of the five people you spend the most time with”

Putting yourself in the right room, with the right people, getting the right kind of peer pressure, can be a little hinge that swings a big door for you.

But how do you know you’re with the right people that will help you?

One lesson I’ve learned over 2 decades of teaching and guiding is to watch out for the “oh, that’s why” people.

When you’ve grown your business to a decent level of success, and you try explaining your success to friends, family, associations, you will find, based on their reactions, there are two types of people

There are people that will listen enthusiastically to you and try and find out what you are doing differently, how you are doing it differently. They will listen for your “little hinges that swing big doors”. They will listen to the 20% of your activity that brings you 80% of your result. They will want to know what your habits are that automate a lot of your success.

These people will want to know if they can adapt what you are saying to their own lives and their own business, and they will congratulate you.

Then, there are others who will want to boil your success down to one excuse so they can write off your success without having to consider everything that you are doing.

They usually try to peg your success on your social status, colour, age, geographical location or even just plain luck.

This is much easier than trying to dig further into all things you have done under the service that have driven results for you.

I’ve had many friends to do this to me when I’ve tried to share and explain how and why my business has been successful, and why it is one of the most premium martial arts facilities in the entire province.

I thought the results I was having would be enough to convince them to take a good hard look at what I was doing, (and the advice and information that I was openly offering!).

The last time this happened it was with a colleague from Toronto, whereas my school is in Niagara (with a much lower average income).

Instead of asking about everything I was doing differently, their “oh, that’s why” was because of the cost of living in Niagara was so much lower than Toronto, so people had more discretionary income for such programs.

They had also said that there were more wealthy people in Niagara, which is utterly ridiculous.

More than likely the opposite is true. I’ve heard the exact opposite claimed by people in Niagara. I can safely assume that if the roles, geographically, were reversed and I was running my program in Toronto and they were in Niagara, they would likely say, “well, you’re in Toronto, where there’s way more people (20 times the population actually), that’s why you can run your program there.

Regardless of the actual circumstance, they always look for the “oh, that’s why”

“He was in the right area”

“He had the right amount of money”

“He was lucky”

The “oh, that’s why” will give them the opportunity to do nothing uncomfortable or different for themselves and stay exactly the same as they already are. People like this are not looking for growth. This doesn’t make them bad people, it just means they are settled, and not likely to expand their thinking.

When people are genuinely curious and ready to grow and expand, they will ask questions to dig into exactly what you are doing differently. They will not be satisfied with one single answer or excuse that will allow them to stay stagnant. They don’t want the “oh, that’s why”. They want to know all the things that you did so they can copy them, adapt them for their business, and put them to use. If you are genuinely good person who is interested in helping others, you will be happy to help them.

When someone takes the “oh, that’s why” stance, they have already convinced themselves of what is possible and what is impossible; they have already placed limits on themselves and what they can do. All they are looking to do is gather information to reaffirm their position so they don’t have to do anything different, they don’t have to think anything different, nor do they have to change any of their habits. Further self reflection is uncomfortable for them and they do not want to embrace that discomfort.

When you are trying expand your business and you need people, in any capacity, pay attention to how people react when you are sharing your success stories. If they react with the “oh, that’s why” type of response, look for the exits.

If they are in the other group, and they are genuinely excited for you and can relate to your passion for your business, and want to know exactly what you are doing differently, and why and how it’s working, take notice. These are the people you want to hire, work for, mentor, or be mentored by.

Pay attention to those people because they are going to support you, help you, and take you to the next level, whether they are working above you, below you, or beside you.

When you associate with them, and they pus the boundaries in their business, even if it’s a different business than yours, they will encourage and challenge you to keep doing the same.

Remember, you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

Choose them with discretion